Hurt


It hurts so much to think that i've been waiting but it seems like all is gone for nothing. =/

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 11:10 PM

Still living on.


Yes. I am still living on. Seems like he's having a hard time. =/


I feel like i'm getting fatter. XD or is it just my illusion??


2 more papers. =D

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 6:53 PM

Posts


What the hell i've been posting for these past few days?? == Makes no sense. Especially the last post.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 9:48 AM

RE1102


Not bad. Better than my first Fked up paper.


I sense a flu coming... Is it or is it not? =/


Hh called me today. Weird.. == Asked me to pei him go town. Crazy. Got Jamie liao, still want to go out with me. Even if Jamie isn't free, i don't think Jamie would even want him to go town with me. Her face would definitely turn charcoal black. Crazy Hh. Don't know what the hell is he thinking.


3 more papers to go. Ending of week. Is he coping well??


Fk the sneezes i'm having.


The food aromas in Manpuku is damn DAMN tempting. -DROOL-

Labels: ..., fk

♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 8:32 PM

RE1101


Srew it upside down and all over again. FK.


Wonders how he's coping with his first day of week. =/ Hope everything is fine for him.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 1:11 PM

Endure


I'm wearing a mask. Or rather, i'm on anesthetic. Fk. I'm forcing myself to feel things.. To feel happy things when i'm not at all.


I'm running away from my problems.


But.. That's the only way. The only way to make myself feel better and not letting him, the people that cares for me so much , worried..


I know both of us are undergoing the worst time of our lives. Endure.. Endure.. It's gonna be over soon. Soon...


I miss you.


Do you?

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 10:36 PM

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 8:41 AM

Was it ever like this?


All along. Has it always been like this? Now.. I seemed to be so unimportant to you. Am i? You are able to lead your life on properly without me. You are used to leading a life without me in your life already.


Am i so insignificant? Guessed i'm just it.


Guessed we are just over with it.


Jia you for your project.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 4:51 PM

Cough


The cough is getting to me. Fk. Lasted for so long and not going away at all.


Didnt call baby yesterday night. Was testing him. Seems like he didnt bother at all. I mean it has been a routine always. Don't he find it weird at all? Is it time? A signal? If you are reading this, please reflect. Don't deceive yourself anymore.


Dreamt about that hh last night. Didnt expected it. It was such a surreal dream.


His grandpa had passed away. He was holding his ashes in his hands, devastated. In that dream, i was quite close to his grandpa. Hh said to me,"I know he wanted you to be with him as well. But don't call my name in front of him. Just call yours."


I was like... WAD?!?! I meant that little to you till i'm unfit to call your name in front of your grandpa? I was so hurt. Cried and run off. He was taken back at my crying. Was not what he expected. He chased after me, poured me some of his grandpa's ashes,"Think that he would want it to be like this."


This is so damn contradicting. Saying those words and pouring me his grandpa's ashes. One showing the little importance of me, while the other showing hw much i stand in his heart that i'm able to even have some of his grandpa's ashes.


p.s. I chose to believe you are happy together with her. For real.

Labels: ..., fk, gd or bad?

♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 9:18 AM

Drunk


Yes. A success. As expected, alcohol did let down my defence. I cried 3 times last night. Wasted $12. Fk.

What's left behind of me in you?

"Would you want to marry me?" "Why? Would you want to?" "Yes. I want to." "Me too. I want to."


=/


This hurts so much. So so much. Save me.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 9:00 PM

Cool Off


Yes. I suggested it.


Let's cool off for now since excuses of your project keep popping out. No more complaints. I'm giving you all the time you want now. Finish it up. Do your best. After your project is done, we'll see how everything goes again.


Unless things changes for the better after you project, or i can already see the ending of this relationship.


p.s. why have we become like this..

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 3:57 PM

There is he! SO CUTE RITE! White Prince Grim Reaper! XD

p.s. It's been some time since we met baby.... =/

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 8:22 PM

1 Day


YES~! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


FINALLY!!


=D


DARLING IS COMING BACK LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yesterday was the day that i went to Nick's house for his birthday celebration. =) You totally cannot believe how cool his house is! OMG LA! So black and white theme!! I like!!


And he got a living room that doesn't look like a living room at all. Just 2 "bad romance mv" speakers and a big wide black floor which is so smooth and slippery that you can dance all you want!!! Yesterday me and kor had a time of life dancing all we want on that BIG and NICE floor. =)


The lightings that they have are really beautiful as well.


We had Canadian pizzas, Guitar Hero after that, drinking then home. Was quite seh when i'm gg back home yesterday.


Cried. And cried. And cried again and again. Heartbroken over several several things.. Friends, love and.... HIAZ...


A confession was being made. It was love and not like. Nice~ As if.. Tried to kiss me. But no way man. Tried again. Epic fail second time.


Time to break you down.

Labels: ..., =), b'dae, dance

♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 12:12 PM

2 Days


Today.... Is a.... "Bad? Boring? Fun? Good?" Day... I don't know how to say it...


Firstly, woke up. Didn't feel so well.. Stomach upset i think. Thanks to the sourish tapioca cake i had on the day before yesterday. I think it was spoilt. But i still convinced myself to finish it at least half of the 3 of them. ==


Decided not to turn up for school, which would be lasting for less than an hour only.. Despite so, my body alarm nontheless woke me up exactly at 7+am, making me not able to turn back in again. HIAZ..


Nothing to do, don't feel like studying. So on youtube. DANCE! ^^ Forced myself to go for a short run. All the way, felt like dying. My chest felt so tight. Not able to breathe properly at all. It felt like a super tough run. OMG.


Ben came up, i bathed, watched Russell Peters and set off again to Tampines Central. On our way to post office, we decided to have Mac's first since we haven't eaten anything yet. When we stepped in, 3PM!! HURRY UP!! XD We were the last ones to enjoy the lunch hour promotion. HAHAHA!


Head down to post office to settle application stuffs, went POSB to UPGRADE my card and off to Manpuku to study. Wnated to have the tarts. but decided will have to tomorrow instead as Hongyu and Gab kor kor was super late.


Then went to Long John to have their takeaways while i had my maggi which darling gave me before. =)


Back to my home. In the end, all went to sing after having dinner. Didn't learn any dance. XD Next, home sweet home.


Darling called me just now. These few days we seem to be quarelling quite often. Think it's due to both of our insecurities.. HIAZZZZZ~! And i was right. He really haven't gotten over her. Somehow.. I don't know why. I feel like a replacement.


p.s. Fk it. This hurts. So so so much. I need a drink. Imy.

Labels: =), BORED, fk

♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 10:53 PM

3 Days


YESS! Then tomorrow will be Thursday. The day after tomorrow will be Friday. The day after tomorrow de tomorrow will be Saturday then SUNDAY! YEAHHH!!! =)) Very very soon will be Sunday le!


Hiaz.. But.. How? I just quarrelled with Darling.. =( Nvm.. Not gonna talk about it here. Not gonna talk to anyone about it either.


Spent some time with Baby today. Though it's at Tampines central.. But i appreciated his efforts as well.. In spending some time with me today. =) Everything was peaceful between us today. Good. I like it. How long it can last though? =/


p.s. i think i've overdone it this time. Sorry.. =/ I don't think i'm able to sleep well tonight again. =(

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 7:35 PM

4 Days


Nice! It's getting nearer and nearer already..! =) Darling is just so cute over the phone. ^^ Can't wait to see him!


Start-off of the day wasn't good for today. =/ Firstly, Baby was late. for 30 mins. I waited for 20 mins. Was angry. He knew it. But i'm still very pissed as it was consectively 2 days in a row. Or rather always we meet, MOST, as in really most of the time he's late. =(


He knows i hate lateness, and he's always doing it no matter how many times i'm pissed at him for doing that. And which boyfriend in the world would keep letting his girlfriend wait for him each time?!?! Though not everytime but almost!! Fkin shit. HIAZ!!


He kept apologising. But what's the use if you apologise and didn't change for the better each time??? After awhile, he gave up and he started getting pissed as well. == WTHH?!?!? Asked him what's wrong. "Nothing."


Reached Eastlink for dinner. He brought terayaki chicken chop rice. Turns out to be fried chicken chop with terayaki sauce. Once i saw it, i exchanged my plate of non-heaty food to him since he hasn't fully recover from his sickness. He keep insisting he wants back his while i insist on him eating mine. In the end, i got him eating my food instead.


But guess what? He was eating very unhappily or rather "bu shuang". At the start, i pretend to continue eating my own. However, seeing him eating so unhappily, i unwillingly changed back the food. Then he started getting a bit frustrated, asking me what is it i want?


At that point of time, i really really felt so unloved. I care for him, i love him, that's why i exchanged my food for his even though i'm heaty myself. But he didn't even appreciate my efforts and instead showed me his attitude.


I felt so hurt that i cried silently. Tears just flowed uncontrollably. That's when he starts to feel guilty making me cry and tried to comfort me. I nearly said out this," Let's have a time-out." == omg la.. =( This can't work out at all. What to do? Someone please tell me...


I don't know why i just can't say that out. However, i can accept it if he's the one who initiated it. WEIRD LA!


We were kinda okay after that. Went arcade, sent him to bus-stop and i headed down to school. Went to Michelle's house after that for project and head home. Had dinner at 8+ and here i am now.


I seriously think the matter between me and baby is getting more and more out of hand.. Needs a solution.. Like now. =/ ARGHHH~~~!!!!


p.s. have i done wrong? =/

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 8:57 PM

6 Days


=) Tahan!


What we wish for would never be able to come true. So just let it remain as a little secret within our hearts... Yours and mine. Forever.


p.s. I cried? =/

Labels: =), gd or bad?

♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 9:12 PM