Hurt


It hurts so much to think that i've been waiting but it seems like all is gone for nothing. =/

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 11:10 PM

Still living on.


Yes. I am still living on. Seems like he's having a hard time. =/


I feel like i'm getting fatter. XD or is it just my illusion??


2 more papers. =D

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 6:53 PM

Posts


What the hell i've been posting for these past few days?? == Makes no sense. Especially the last post.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 9:48 AM

RE1102


Not bad. Better than my first Fked up paper.


I sense a flu coming... Is it or is it not? =/


Hh called me today. Weird.. == Asked me to pei him go town. Crazy. Got Jamie liao, still want to go out with me. Even if Jamie isn't free, i don't think Jamie would even want him to go town with me. Her face would definitely turn charcoal black. Crazy Hh. Don't know what the hell is he thinking.


3 more papers to go. Ending of week. Is he coping well??


Fk the sneezes i'm having.


The food aromas in Manpuku is damn DAMN tempting. -DROOL-

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 8:32 PM

RE1101


Srew it upside down and all over again. FK.


Wonders how he's coping with his first day of week. =/ Hope everything is fine for him.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 1:11 PM

Endure


I'm wearing a mask. Or rather, i'm on anesthetic. Fk. I'm forcing myself to feel things.. To feel happy things when i'm not at all.


I'm running away from my problems.


But.. That's the only way. The only way to make myself feel better and not letting him, the people that cares for me so much , worried..


I know both of us are undergoing the worst time of our lives. Endure.. Endure.. It's gonna be over soon. Soon...


I miss you.


Do you?

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 10:36 PM

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 8:41 AM

Was it ever like this?


All along. Has it always been like this? Now.. I seemed to be so unimportant to you. Am i? You are able to lead your life on properly without me. You are used to leading a life without me in your life already.


Am i so insignificant? Guessed i'm just it.


Guessed we are just over with it.


Jia you for your project.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 4:51 PM

Cough


The cough is getting to me. Fk. Lasted for so long and not going away at all.


Didnt call baby yesterday night. Was testing him. Seems like he didnt bother at all. I mean it has been a routine always. Don't he find it weird at all? Is it time? A signal? If you are reading this, please reflect. Don't deceive yourself anymore.


Dreamt about that hh last night. Didnt expected it. It was such a surreal dream.


His grandpa had passed away. He was holding his ashes in his hands, devastated. In that dream, i was quite close to his grandpa. Hh said to me,"I know he wanted you to be with him as well. But don't call my name in front of him. Just call yours."


I was like... WAD?!?! I meant that little to you till i'm unfit to call your name in front of your grandpa? I was so hurt. Cried and run off. He was taken back at my crying. Was not what he expected. He chased after me, poured me some of his grandpa's ashes,"Think that he would want it to be like this."


This is so damn contradicting. Saying those words and pouring me his grandpa's ashes. One showing the little importance of me, while the other showing hw much i stand in his heart that i'm able to even have some of his grandpa's ashes.


p.s. I chose to believe you are happy together with her. For real.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 9:18 AM

Drunk


Yes. A success. As expected, alcohol did let down my defence. I cried 3 times last night. Wasted $12. Fk.

What's left behind of me in you?

"Would you want to marry me?" "Why? Would you want to?" "Yes. I want to." "Me too. I want to."


=/


This hurts so much. So so much. Save me.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 9:00 PM

Cool Off


Yes. I suggested it.


Let's cool off for now since excuses of your project keep popping out. No more complaints. I'm giving you all the time you want now. Finish it up. Do your best. After your project is done, we'll see how everything goes again.


Unless things changes for the better after you project, or i can already see the ending of this relationship.


p.s. why have we become like this..

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 3:57 PM

1 Day


YES~! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


FINALLY!!


=D


DARLING IS COMING BACK LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yesterday was the day that i went to Nick's house for his birthday celebration. =) You totally cannot believe how cool his house is! OMG LA! So black and white theme!! I like!!


And he got a living room that doesn't look like a living room at all. Just 2 "bad romance mv" speakers and a big wide black floor which is so smooth and slippery that you can dance all you want!!! Yesterday me and kor had a time of life dancing all we want on that BIG and NICE floor. =)


The lightings that they have are really beautiful as well.


We had Canadian pizzas, Guitar Hero after that, drinking then home. Was quite seh when i'm gg back home yesterday.


Cried. And cried. And cried again and again. Heartbroken over several several things.. Friends, love and.... HIAZ...


A confession was being made. It was love and not like. Nice~ As if.. Tried to kiss me. But no way man. Tried again. Epic fail second time.


Time to break you down.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 12:12 PM

3 Days


YESS! Then tomorrow will be Thursday. The day after tomorrow will be Friday. The day after tomorrow de tomorrow will be Saturday then SUNDAY! YEAHHH!!! =)) Very very soon will be Sunday le!


Hiaz.. But.. How? I just quarrelled with Darling.. =( Nvm.. Not gonna talk about it here. Not gonna talk to anyone about it either.


Spent some time with Baby today. Though it's at Tampines central.. But i appreciated his efforts as well.. In spending some time with me today. =) Everything was peaceful between us today. Good. I like it. How long it can last though? =/


p.s. i think i've overdone it this time. Sorry.. =/ I don't think i'm able to sleep well tonight again. =(

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 7:35 PM

7 Days


YES~ Exactly 1 week! FINALLY! Can't wait. I miss miss miss him so so so much much much. Everyday all i can do is to play the arcade games that remind me of him.. Do the things that remind me of him... Sing the songs that remind me of him and talk about the things that remind me of him... =/ There's so many many things i want to do with him when he's back!!!


Hiaz... Darling ah.. Really ah... One by one, the bees just come to him. == Even when he's in Wallaby. Yes. Wallaby. Girls still can confess to him when he's in Australia. He's soon to broke my record. I should quickly find more guys to keep up with my record. =p JUST KDDING!!!


Went out to do my project updates today. Kor kor came over and find me and pei-ed me. We looked through various dance choreographies.. And told each other we would definitely find time to learn how to dance properly. =) Can't wait.


I really hope this week can pass quickly. ^^


p.s. hopes baby and darling quickly recover... =( shit this dry cough that i'm having.. ==

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 7:12 PM

8 Days


Yeah... 8 more days=1 more week!! ^^ This week is gonna be the best week!! There's Nick's birthday celebration over at his house on thus friday! Saturday is gonna meet up with RE1301 group mates for projest finalisation then night time is gonna be study time till i meet DARLING!!! WAOH! Just love weekends! =))



Oh.. I jsut got to know of something.. Got another one coming into my way. =/ I hope i don't hurt this one this time. Or else i'm really gonna be a stupid heartbreaker.. =(



But there's other 2 that's still unconfirmed. I just hope that they aren't though.



Just brought my grandparents to Subway. XD They like the bread! HAHHA! My grandma was like asking me if the drinks can be refilled. Actually, it wasn't allowed. But i just went ahead with it. LOL! Nicky was there as well. Told him about all the stuffs. He was like... -shakeshead- =p


Anyway, upcoming party night. 13 November. YES LA!

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 11:28 AM

10 Days


In 30 more minutes time, it'll be 9 DAYS! YEAH!!! =) And Darling will be back from his MOST HIONG outfield tomorrow. Will be able to hear his voice tomorrow!! ^^


Today is quite an... eventful day.. == Went to watch The Last Exorcism with Ben Ben just now after dinner. FKING SCARY!! OMG! This is the first ever horror movie that made me screamed in the theatre. Freaking hell..


Once i close my eyes now, i can picture the girl's scary face in front of me. =/ OMGGGGGG! NOOOO~!!!


Oh. Anyway, i went to meet Darling today. Turns out to be a disappointment to me. HIAZ... What to do? =/

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 11:29 PM

11/10 Days


Look at the time. 1.10am. I know it's late. But i've just got to write this. =/


Just finished more than half of what's left with the albums. Thank god.


What did i do today? School in the morning. Office as coolie and rushed down back to Tampines to meet baby. Was feeling terribly guilty of letting him wait for a whole 2 hours when he's sick even. Fuck it! Stupid office. HIAZ! I'm so so Sorry. I promise i'll compensate him. So in return, i'll wait for him at his house downstairs at 8am tomorrow. I don't care even if he says no.


So we met up and walked to Tampines post office to do submission. Along the way, there's a talent searcher approach us. Giving us the company card and asking us to give him our details. He said his company is looking for talents and models. Hence, this stupid thing. Oh! And baby bought me uncle's bubble tea!! ^^


Then, i pei-ed baby to wait for his bus. there's lyk 6-7 bus 27 went past us but not even one 15. == Finally there's one, but not long after, there came another. Stupid SBS. After which, i headed home.


Well.. Went for a run, dinner, start on the album tingy. Thought everything was well with the day coming to an end, i quarrelled with Baby. Hiaz.. Over the same thing before... Over Darling.


WTF la! He say he cannot take it having his girl calling another guy darling while calling him baby. == Gene is not just any guy! He's my cousin! And every of my favourite cousin, i call them darling! SO WHY NOT?! Just because he's 19 and is a guy, i cant call him Darling?! Didn't want to quarrel with him as he's sick.


I was stupid enough to be worried for him when i saw how sickly he was today. Seems like he still strong enough to be able to get worked up because of this stupid little thing.


I'm really considering of giving both of us some cooling off period.. I mean this cant work out. Should i?

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 1:09 AM

15 Days

Yes. 15 more days to go.. =/ Feel freaking bad to not being able to pick up Darling's calls while i'm out with Weijie.

I know it's rude to keep talking on the phone with someone else while you are out with another friend. That's why i've got no choice but to ask Darling to call me back later. After which, he did call back but i didn't pick up the call as i didnt feel any vibrations... At all.

I feel so guilty.. ARGHHH... Promise that i'll devote all my possible time to Darling once he's back in SG. We are gonna like have so much fun together!! ^^

Talked to Darling more than ever today since he was in Wallaby. I felt that familiar warmth that i was feeling before he went to Aust. =))

We both were emo. But we were emo over different matters. =/ He was home-sick. I guess? XD While i was... Yeah.. You know.. The previous post...

And to add on to my emo-ness.. I lost my fkin car card!! MY PRECIOUS CAR CARD!! That i spend almost $10+-20 on it!! CRAP! Was meant to be a surprise for Darling when he's back.. Now i've got to re-train.. =((

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 11:17 PM

16 Days


I was very VERY happy. BUT~! I was stupid enough to look at the photos i don't wanna (shouldn't??) see, and here i am.. Feeling very down again. =/ Even though it's because i was missing him...


It's a past (for him) already. But looking at how happy he was in the past.. I don't know what's right and wrong anymore.


I mean.. Yeah.. I know what's best for him. However, making him do all these.. Is he happy? Really really happy?


I don't know. Maybe he would be better off with having her by his side still.. I think given him a choice, he would choose to have her replacing the position i'm holding in his heart now. Right now. (Of course, that's provided that she would change.)


-What's with my stupid playlist... Playing emo songs for the past 5 mins while i'm writing this post.. Thanks a lot. Fk it.-


Maybe he just doesn't fit? Maybe he just meant to be there and not here.. Not here with me. =/


I don't know if he did really reveal everything that's within him to me.. Sometimes he knows that i just hate to hear him mentioning things concerning her and might hestitate in revealing the matters to me... But we had a promise.. Oh well~ I duno.


Ayway, if one meant to keep something deep down within his heart, he would never tell anyone. For him, maybe not even me.............


Given another choice again, if you were still with her: break up or just lose me.


What i've done?


Oh! And i just realised there's a girl that look exactly like her in my school, right within my faculty. And we are in the same tutorial class for some modules. FKIN NICE.


p.s. It just sucks to be typing and feeling hurt at the same time... stupid me. (i'm having second thoughts of showing him my blog..) I miss you.

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 11:09 PM

18 Days


There's still 18 days.. This is tortourous... OMG! Somebody just pack me up in a luggage and send me straight to Wallaby. ==


Oh! And please pack my baby inside the luggage as well. We come in a pair. ^^


Whatever it is, i'm missing darling like mad.. This is Shit. =/


Least Baby is getting better. =))

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♥ ♥ ♥that girl called jan♥ ♥ ♥ 3:56 PM